We are not swans. We are sharks.

How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.

"Ryan Bingham, Up in The Air (2009)"

Random Quotes - Courage

The absence of fear isn't courage.

Courage is looking fear in its eyes, grabbing it by its collars and pulling it down with you while you leap of a plane at 15,000 feet with only a prayer that your parachutes will work.

Random Quotes - Big Words

Sometimes, when I write, I use words which I am certain is not used in the correct context, but it sounds correct because of the number of letters in that word.

I get away with it because smart people never read what I write, and not so smart people just skip that word, thinking that they are the ones who don't understand the meaning of said word.

A Traffic Light Love Story

The man saw her at the intersection of a busy street.

Standing opposite him, across the street, she was doing exactly what he was doing.

Waiting for the light to turn green.

She was beautiful. He had heard of woman being described as breathtaking, but never has he experienced it before this. He gasped, inaudibly, then took a deep breath.

Ten seconds passed. The little red man turned green.

He hesitated. He knew that if he crosses now, he would only be with the woman he now loves for that brief second when they brush past each other at the middle of the road, each heading in the opposite direction.

He knew that he will never again see her after that moment.

He has fallen in love at the traffic lights before.

He decided that he would wait for her to cross to his side of the road.

He pretended to drop his books on the ground, wanting to appear less than obvious as to why he wasn't yet crossing the street.

When he looked up, he saw that the lights had turned red again, and to his surprise, he saw her still standing at the exact same spot when he saw her. Only this time, she was looking at him too, from across the street.

When the pedestrian traffic lights turned green again, he walked over, and noticed that she was just standing there, as if waiting for him.

He approached her, and asked, "Why didn't you cross the street?"

She smiled and replied, "I was waiting for you to cross over to me."








He stormed off, walking away from the girl, only turning back to scream at her, "You lazy!#$%#W%%$#%! Not even willing to walk a little extra to meet me halfway!"

Tips On Becoming A Good Female Boss

Coming fast on the heels of LGBT guidelines issued by two misguided organisations, the guidelines on how to become a good female boss ("Cara Menjadi "Bos Wanita"  Yang Baik") was recently published by MedikTV, a unit of Malaysia's Ministry of Health.

For the benefit of those who do not understand Bahasa Melayu, you can obtain the translation from the article published in The Star ("Guidelines for women bosses spark outcry").

To be sure, these guidelines are definitely sexist and prejudicial. However, they are not exactly ill-advised nor controversial, and can easily work by just removing one single word from the header; "Wanita" (Female).

These tips, as MedikTV calls them, should serve as a timely reminder to all bosses, regardless of genders. I have seen my fair share of male bosses who exhibits managerial traits which most would (unfairly) associate more with the fairer sex.

Although the people who published these tips claim that it was created to help female bosses, I believe this is counter-productive, and instead of helping further the cause of women, promotes the stereotypical views of women in the workplace as temperamental, controlling, fierce, cold and unfriendly. This is definitely going against the government's effort to increase the number of women leaders in Corporate Malaysia ("This is still men's world, apparently")

One thing that I am getting worried about, though, is the seemingly emerging trend of organisations linked to the government issuing inane guidelines and policies, generally getting their foot caught in their mouths, and the government's subsequent and swift denial of having anything to do with it, even if the organisation is directly under the ministry's purview.

This lack of accountability may point towards a wider spread problem which is systemic throughout the machinations of our current sitting government.

LGBT: The Debate In Malaysia Today

For an organisation that goes by the name Putrajaya Consultative Council of Parents and Teachers Associations, one would have thought they would have had more consultation before issuing guidelines that makes little sense, and instead of highlighting what they believe is an erosion of society's value, it highlights the organisation's intolerance, bigotry and obtuseness.

Firstly, the symptoms that purportedly signals that a man is gay. Big handbags, V-neck t-shirts which is one size too small, singlets, and light coloured clothing? This sounds more like an attack on fashion than a list formulated by homophobes.

I am as vocal as anyone when it comes to opposing the growing excess of male wardrobe (Read Building wardrobe - Evolution of men), but for reasons that no average men could possibly match the high standards set by the male models, actors and celebrities splashed across magazines and billboards.

The guidelines were intended for the use of teachers and parents of school going children, and I fail to see the relevance of this as most students in Malaysia has to go to school in their school uniforms of which they have no say in.

If the Council is adamant in trying to enforce these guidelines, would they then propose to change the colors of the uniforms, which are mainly white, light blue, or light green?

And since being muscular is one of the symptoms of being gay, would they also cancel all Physical Education classes as it would promote muscle growth in male students?

Now, the symptoms for lesbians as published in their guidelines makes even less sense. How is "attracted to women" any different from "have no affection for men", and how are any of these two different from just "lesbians"? Furthermore, isn't "distancing themselves from other women" in direct contradiction to the next guideline "like to hang out, have meals and sleep in the company of women"?

Since when did hanging out and having meals with people means I want to have sexual relations with them?

Would they then give a nod of approval to a girl who likes to "hang out, have meals and sleep in the company of MEN"?!

If this was the type of backwards policies and ideas that the Council (together with Yayasan Guru Malaysia) is trying to preach, no wonder our education system is in such a mess, with the flip-flopping of teaching of mathematics and science in English as a key example.

While researching this issue, I came upon a comment reportedly made by the Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Mashitah Ibrahim in the Dewan Rakyat in June 2012. She said that the LGBT community is not protected by clauses in the Federal Constitution that protects Malaysians against discrimination, that “Article 8 of the Federal Constitution says there must be no discrimination of citizens in terms of religion or sex. ‘Sex’ has never been interpreted to mean sexual orientation; it has always been interpreted to mean either male or female, and they are [the only ones] protected by the constitution"(Freemalaysiatoday-LGBT not protected by federal constitution).

Apparently, according to the learned Deputy Minister, once a person is categorised as a member of the LGBT community, they automatically stop being either "male" or "female". I leave you to ponder how such a conclusion was arrived at, and the total absence of logic in this argument that the constitution doesn't accord freedom from discrimination for these "genderless" people.

I for one am fully in support of the national debate that is growing on the rights and participation of the LGBT community, but for the issue to move forward in a way that befits a civilised society, one must rid themselves of the shackles of  hatred and the irrational fear of something which they do not yet understand. Only when we are capable of discussing complex issues based on the merits of facts and a sensitivity to everyone, even those whom we deem different from who we are, can things like childish guidelines be relegated to the ash heap of our country's history.

Hi. My Name Is Justin And I Am A ......

Last Friday, I was introduced to a group of people that I was meeting for the first time. They were youths from a church cell group, ranging in age from the early to the late twenties.

When each individual took turns to introduce themselves, everyone started with, of course, their names and their birth country. They also included the following introduction:

"I am a pre-med student."

"I am a professional blogger."

"I am a counsellor at a school."

"I am a designer."

When it came to my turn, I had the temptation to introduce myself as anything other than an auditor. I wasn't embarrass by my profession, although it did appear that I had probably one of the squarest occupation in the room. Instead, what made me hesitate was this question.

 Are we solely defined by the tasks that people pay us to perform?

For example, can't someone say "I write software codes for a living, but I'm an aspiring guitar player for the local band at the pub down the street".

Matt Cutts, an engineer from Google gave a presentation in TED (http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html) sometime last year. In his presentation, he spoke of people who pledged to write a 50,000 words novel in the month of November. He tried it, and after completing his novel within that 30 days, he can now introduce himself as a novelist, even though his work has never been published (and probably never will) and he has not been paid a single cent for his novel.

We are more than our occupation. The slash that comes after our names separates different but equally important roles that we play. Although it shouldn't be an aim to have as many slashes as possible in one's lifetime, it is critical to recognise that as human beings, we are not one dimensional.

I hope to one day be able to introduce myself in the following manner:

"Hi, I am a father to two beautiful children/ husband to the prettiest and most loving head family chef within a 30 mile radius (and an owner of a car that can only travel 29 miles before breaking down)/ collector of well-read superhero comic books/ lover of alternative rock and certain kind of jazz music (the non-boring type), and on my spare time when I'm not all those things, I perform statutory financial statements audit for corporations and organisations."