Being a CAN MAN (saying "yes" or "okay" too fast)

Are you a "Can Man"?

Do you say "Yes" more often than "No"?

Do you say "Yes" much faster than you say "No"?

If you are one of the kind of people who says "Yes", "Okay", or "Can" without even giving a thought about the consequences of what you are agreeing to, you may be suffering from:

1. A low self-esteem
2. A non-confrontational personality
3. A slow brain
4. All of the above

If you are number 3, then chances are, there are no chance for you. And if you are number 4, then you need to check yourself into suicide watch, cos you are a high risk candidate for depression and suicidal tendencies.

Now, if you are 1 or 2, however, I'm proof that there is hope for improvement and change.

Being brought up in an Asian society with values that favors humility, humbleness and the right of the majority, we are programmed to be a very agreeable race of people. We would rather shy away from the spotlight while and go about our business with as little noise as possible.

This will lead to a many different number of problems.

In your workplace, where the highest percentage of your daily interactions take place, there are constant requests/instructions that you have to deal with. Some may fit within your job descriptions, some may be ultra-vires. How a Can Man usually respond to this is by saying okay to every request, every deadline, without any consideration of whether he can actually be able to fulfill it. The Can Man would usually delude himself into thinking, "it's okay, I will accept first, so that I don't seem completely useless, and I'll somehow fit it into my already hectic schedule. I CAN make it work" In a way, the Can Man says "can" to the soft voice inside his head that is asking him to reconsider.

When the Can Man eventually realises that he just doesn't have the resources, he not only gives himself unnecessary stress, but will end up doing a sub-par job and still end up disappointing the requester.

In a relationship with your partner (the mother of all complex human interactions), saying Yes too fast is also detrimental not just to the Can Man, but to the overall relationship.

When you say "Yes" without meaning it, you are telling a lie, which will either lead you to doing something that you don't feel like doing, making yourself hate yourself and blaming your partner for asking you to do it in the first place, or it will make your partner distrust or resents you when you don't follow up on your promise.

So what do you do if you find the above situations familiar?

1. Think before you reply. Think before you talk. In fact, think before you do anything.
2. Do not be afraid to say "No" even to those whom has the authority to either withhold your salary, or withhold sex from you.
3. Learn to say "Yes, BUT...." in situations where you just cannot say "No" and give yourself some extra time to complete the task, or to cut down on the scope of the task.
4. Learn also to say "No, BUT..." when you can provide alternative solutions (or alternative people) to complete the task requested.

A Can Man, although rare, may however find success in saying "Yes" to every request as this may seemingly demonstrate an ability to solve problems, and they may gain the reputation as someone people can rely on to get things done. Promotions and increments (and more morning kisses and breakfast in bed) may very well depend on this, but this is a dangerous game to play.

So, the next time before you say "Yes" to anything, stop yourself and use that part of your head that is so rarely used to think, should you be saying "No" instead?

Don't be a pushover. Don't be a carpet for people to walk all over. Don't be a CAN MAN.