THE ULTIMATE SOLUTION TO BERSIH 2.0 & ANTI-BERSIH 2.0

Give ALL of them permits!

Look, since EVERYONE wants to rally, instead of threatening forceful crackdown on protesters and refusing to approve permits to everybody, why not allow everyone to have their say, and give them the freedom to assemble and rally in peace?

Before you write me off as a nut, consider the following:

• If you issue permits for all the rallies, instead of selected ones, ONE, you will not be accused of trampling on the right to free speech, and TWO, no one can label the police force of biasness and as mere puppets of the Government.
• If you think that the Malaysian police force doesn't have the manpower to monitor the rallies if they are approved, I put it to you that it will require even more personnel to operate water cannons, swing the batons and chase protesters down the alleys, than if all that the police need to do is just to direct traffic to allow the protesters to march without being mowed down by motor vehicles. Also, I am sure for just a day, the VVIPs can zip around town without their usual police escort, and these surpluses can be utilised to monitor the rallies.
• Re-brand the rallies as a peaceful parade for 1Malaysia. Anything that is tainted by the admittedly lame slogan will definitely drive the young hippies away from the event. You can also get Dato' Siti to sing the Negaraku, and since there are already silat exponents willing to spend their day on these rallies, why not get them to stage a performance as part the parade?
• But what about the shops in the vicinity whose business will be affected, as well as the loss in potential tourism money? Well, just take a look at Mardi Gras, the St. Patrick's Day parades and how much money is generated from these events! People from all over the world flock to catch a glimpse, and shops beg for the parades to pass by their street.
• Who will sponsor such a parade though? Besides all the unproven allegations that the rallies are already funded by shadowy associations like the Canadian Allied Foundation (Canada? Seriously? What harm can a country that Southpark ridicules on a daily basis inflict on us?), has anyone considered Digi? They already have obese men dress in yellow condoms as their mascot, so why not take advantage of the notoriety that the color yellow has already gain in recent days?
• Okay okay, I hear you. Malaysians can never pull of a Mardi Gras. But what's the worst that would happen if we fail to change the rally into a fun-loving parade free from violence with the main aim of attracting bone headed tourists, most probably from Canada (and possibly be heralded as an exemplary country for free speech)? We will end up with a boring parade through the streets of Kuala Lumpur with little or no interest from the general public, not unlike our annual National Day Parade.
• Issue the permits with the condition that all rally organisers convert their rallies into marathons. I can safely guarantee that only 20% of the protesters will finish to the end of the rallies. The rest of them will just take a short cut to the finishing line and wait for lucky draws.
• And to sweeten the deal, the permits to be approved, i.e. the approved permits (also known as AP), can be sold to middle-men who can then make a lawful gain by selling it to the rally organisers, hence creating jobs and contributing to the overall economy.

So, my dear policemen and policewomen whom I both fear and respect, please consider my simple, non-convoluted and non-partisan suggestion.

Issue permits to all rallies. It's a cure for all your headaches.

In fact, since it is my birthday today, I will prove how patriotic I am by wishing that all the permits that all organisers of rallies, be it Bersih 2.0, Perkasa or Umno Youth, is finally granted, and Malaysia will be a shining beacon to the rest of the world (instead of the laughing stock that we are now - I mean, come on, banning yellow coloured T-Shirts?)