A 2011 Happy Birthday to all my Facebook friends

It may appear I remembered,
But the truth is, I was reminded,
And since it it don't take long,
To write a greeting, 4 words long,
A quick click on your profile page I'll do,
And wish a generic, forgettable, boring, same as the postings above and below,
"Happy Birthday To You".

Social scientist should just stop taking random expensive surveys in their research. The old ways of collecting data from actual human beings being limited by geography is no longer relevant. The advancement of Facebook has made it easy for us to reach surprising conclusions about human beings, in a matter of minutes, and cost practically nothing.

For example, I know, from my extensive list of approximately 500 friends, that 20 odd years ago, people like to have unprotected sex during the months of Jan, Feb and March. I chanced upon this startling revelation as I was struggling to write a birthday greeting for a dear friend whose special day falls in the month of November. It was a struggle as this was the 5oth time I've wished someone a happy birthday this month alone, and I've ran out of ideas as to how to differentiate my greeting, or to give it a more unique, wicked twist.

From the looks of it, plenty of people have wished my popular friend. Yet, I wonder, how many of them would have actually wished him a happy birthday if not for the reminders that Facebook sends out, as well as the cost & hassle free way of just posting a greeting on his profile page.

How it used to be done

Eons ago, when MySpace, Friendster, Facebook were unheard of, and the Internet was just an idea some crazy scientist was entertaining, people had to make phone calls to the birthday person's house (before mobile phones) to wish them. If it was somebody important, you will go out to a stationery shop a week in advance, buy a card, and post it through snail mail.

Then, when e-mails came about, and still cost about a few cents per e-mail (yup, e-mails were not always free), we could send e-cards that you had to personalise, by typing in the recipient's name.

After that, when short messaging systems became the next-big-thing, people could save on exorbitant call charges and just text message a "Happy Birthday".

Now, I don't know about you, but during these Electronic Dark Ages, I barely got a birthday greeting. With Facebook, I get much more than I've ever thought possible for someone as dull and as unpopular as me.

I put that down to the fact that Facebook have simplified the whole process of making a birthday greeting to just a click of the mouse button, and typing a quick "Happy Birthday". There is no need to drive out to your nearest store to buy a card, no need to tire your thumbs by typing in a text message, and you don't even need to worry about a selection of e-cards with different cartoons and different greetings. You can even post your birthday greeting while you are checking in on your Farmville.

Too distant, and cold? Not just yet...

However, in spite of what I've said, it still does warm my heart when I get these birthday greetings, even if they are via Facebook. Once in a while, a long lost friend may just use the opportunity to re-connect with you, or a certain special someone from a previous life may just say hi. And of course, there are also those from your buddies that makes you laugh out loud.

So I guess, keep these greetings coming (and keep posting more), maybe put in a little more effort in telling your friend how much they mean to you by making the greeting stand out, and who knows, they may reciprocate, and you may find gems on your profile page the next time you log in.

The Anatomy Of A Maiden Run

Before the race

You switch back and forth between fear of somehow having a disastrous race to delusional thoughts of possibly coming in at a position that gets you a medal.

On the morning itself, you wake up at 6 am, on a Sunday morning no less, regretting, thinking what have you gotten yourself into, and whether the gods will have mercy on your unfit physique and let rain fall on the 11 KM of soft grass and tarred road.

You grab a can of Red Bull, a Milo, anything that advertisers claim helps increase your energy level, and illogically prays that these are magic potions which serves to replace weeks and months of actual training.



Flag off

You look at the runner on your right. You look at the runner in front of you. You don't bother to even look at the runner to your left, because you know the odds are that he, as well as the rest, look more in shape that you have ever been in your life. You turn up the volume of Chester Bennington's screams from your handphone, hoping to drown out the thought of the titanic task in front of you. As you cross the sensor located at the starting line, grunting as you try to avoid knocking into the runners around you, you give yourself one last pat on the back, thinking "well, I'll just try not to come in last".

After 3 KM

So far, so good. You are not running as fast as you can. Your pacing is still bearable. You are still breathing through your mouth, which you have been told is a no no, but heck it, you've need a lot of oxygen, and your nostrils aren't as large as the hole you call your mouth. You still have the energy to check out the runners of the fairer sex. Hey, ladies in short running shorts, can you really fault a hot blooded male for checking them out?

After 5 KM

WHAT?! Just past the half way point? AND you have been walking for the past 1 KM. You kick yourself for signing up for this. And did that elderly man just sprint past you? And he is barefooted! How is that possible?

After 7 KM

Your running vest is dry now, since you have been walking more than running.

Suddenly you hear a race marshal shouting out encouragement, "4 more KM to go ONLY". You think of all the 4 KM that you did in the gym on the treadmill within 30 minutes. There is a glimmer of hope yet, that you may end the race strongly. You start to run again, sprinting even, at times.

What you do not know is that running 4 KM at the beginning is different from running 4 KM at the end. You realise that soon enough when you stop, panting for breath, just meters away within earshot of the marshal who continues with her words of encouragement.

Last 2 KM

"Up, down, up, down". The undulating roads of the final lap. You chant this, as if in a trance, with your left leg stepping forward when it's "up" and your right, when it's "down". At this point, it is "girls, what girls?". You don't even care that you are making moaning sounds that places the other runners in discomfort.

Last 1 KM

You feel a sharp pain in your right knee. Your left toe have developed blisters that you can feel through the thick socks that you bought just the day before. There is a gravel in your shoe. You can't tell which shoe though, since your feet is practically numb. You start hobbling a little, afraid you might sprain your knee and you can't even finish the race. You are so close now. Just one more hill, one more incline, and the finish line will be within sight.

By now, you see people in the opposite direction with medals already walking (some running still, b**tards) back to their car. A marshal with a balloon shaped like a sausage with some message you no longer are able to read stands by the roadside. You hit the balloon with your right palm for good luck.

Crossing the finish line

You walk past the finish line. You don't celebrate. Yet. You just want to find a place to sit. Grab a drink. Maybe some food. But mostly, you just want to sit.

You reflect on what you just did. Not bad, eh? You start to forget how difficult it was. You only remember the times when you started to walk instead of run. The times when you could have ran a little faster. Maybe next time if you push yourself harder, a medal may be yours?

Guess what people say is true. You probably will not regret the things you did, but the things that you didn't do.

The Ugly Duck

The ugly duckling who did not grow up to be a beautiful swan.

Men gone down

What's the point in playing if you don't care about winning?

Tonight, the vanquished shall have a restless night while the victors celebrate.

Leave me tonight to grieve.

And tomorrow I shall lay all this to bed, and not live in the past.

The makings of a high performing manager.

Even before one embarks on a discovery of what one needs to do to be a good manager, one needs to have a clear definition of what IS a good manager.

There are many different interpretation of what is a good manager, and none of them are wrong. Even to an individual, their idea of a manager who is worthy of his title may change according to different circumstances, or even, different days of the week.

Change is important and inevitable. A rigid approach to managing limits growth and success. A good manager knows how to use different strategies to tailor to different facts of the case.

However, there needs to be a set of core values that one should be able to fall back on, no matter what the situation may be.

The following are what I believe I should strive to achieve. I've thought long and hard about whether or not to put this out on the net, but considering that these should be values that should I should be proud of, and the fact that I believe the success rate will increase if I solidify them in words (plus no one would actually read it besides myself) I guess there's no harm in doing so.

> IMAGE

Presentation is key. It is no longer enough to just do a good job, you have to be perceived to be doing a good job. You have to appear to be someone who is confident, strong, compassionate. Perception becomes reality.

How to do it?

Wake up every morning at 6.30 a.m. and turn up at work by 7.30. Start work an hour and a half earlier than others and make sure more things are done in one day.

Reply emails by 8.30 - 9.00 am and start clearing the day's task. By 4.00 p.m. reply another round of emails and stop entertaining request past 5.30pm. Leave the office by 6.30 pm to ensure that there's enough time for dinner or exercise or just drinks (or even a movie) with family and friends.

This will be a daily goal and will contribute towards having an individual work-life balance that everyone scoffs at as an impossible dream.

Showing your subordinates that having a fulfilling day at work AND life is possible while doing a job well done is key to motivating them to attaining the same goals.

>KEEP YOUR WORD

Many a times, you may have agreed to certain timelines/schedules and if you continuously fail to meet them, your subordinates will start taking them for granted, expecting you not to meet them yourselves.

How to do it?

Simple. Stick to your promises. If you really cannot avoid it, do not wait until the last minute to update your team. They need to know they are not working towards some arbitrary and indeterminable deadline.

Conversely, you should not turn up unexpected as well with demands that were not communicated earlier and with enough time for your team to prepare for.

> SHOW (OR FAKE) PASSION be positive

When it is so easy to slip down the road to pessimism and negativity, when herd mentality means people are more prone to being stress together than being happy together, when the misguided notion that working harder and longer than your peer means you are doing a better job permeats a team, a manager has to be equiped with the necessary skills to turn the tide.

How to do it?

Be positive yourself! Do not panic and do not look stress. In fact, embrace challenges and know that there are no problems without solutions and that at the end of the day, somethings got to give. So, why not make the journey to the conclusion as painless and as stress-free as possible? If there is a leader where the team knows they can depend on in times of chaos, it gives them a sense of security, and a calmness within themselves as well.

The obvious thing to do here is:

1. Smile more.
2. Do not raise your voice unnecessarily, although sounding determined and steadfast is crucial.
3. Listen when your team talks. This helps them to share their burden with you, hence lightening their load of worries.
4. Pay compliments and show positive feedback. This encourages a more conducive working environment where people want to turn up for work, rather than dread it.
5. Don't complain about your job or the engagement. Show how much you love it (even if you don't sometimes)

> PEOPLE

People are important. Keep those that you trust close to you. Make their career and personal development goals as important as yours.

How to do it?

Just be nicer to people, but do not back down when faced with incorrigible subordinates. Sometimes it is okay to cut your losses and just move on.

Also, it is important to be there. Just be there.

Lazy writer

I should start proof-reading my own writing.

Should. But I wont.

Lazy - la.

Boring people bore me.

We are all selfish self-absorbed b*stards that will one day caused boredom to be a leading cause of death.

By 2030, it is expected that 90% of people will be soulless brainwashed numb zombies ruled by the overlord we all think serves us today, the Internet.

The Internet is causing people to not experience the outside life enough. Instead, people are living vicariously through the few people who manages to have a life beyond the Internet, and is still able to share it with the world via the net.

And the biggest sign that this bleak doomed future is slowly but surely unraveling like a coiled snake releasing the crushed body of it's victim is that FACEBOOK, the hippest thing 5 years ago, is really, I mean REALLY boring nowadays, and one of its main problem? Its status updates function.


Unoriginal status updates.

FB status updates can be broadly categorised into the following

• Whining complaints - No one want's to hear about your crappy job, your jerk of a boyfriend, or how pathetic your life is. My job and my life is bad enough (though I got a lovely gf - hi baby, I love you). If you think that what you are going through is so bad that you need to share it with the world, for goodness sake do something about it. Don't whine on a global scale!
• Countdowns - This is a semi-positive status where it shows that you are looking forward to something good that is coming your way, which is great news and worth sharing, unless you think it is more fun to make the message cryptic by not writing down what the f*ck you are counting down to. What makes my day is if I see these updates where they seemingly are counting down to god knows what, and no one bothers to ask them. So much for having 1,392 friends on FB.
• Flavor of the month - World cup. Paul the eight-legged invertebrate. Who needs livescores.net when I get World Cup updates from countless friends that I didn't know actually understands football or who are suddenly affiliated (for a month) with some European/South American country.
• Lyrics of songs - especially those that don't make any sense. Most popular one so far is "I got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night...". Can't stand the song, can't stand the status updates that steals from the song.

Oh, did I also mention how ridiculous it is to "like" what you yourself have just posted?