Boomerang Counsellors: People who returns advices that you yourself said first.
John: I think I should stay away from Mary. I've not contacted her for the past 2 days.
John: I don't think it is going to work out, although I like her a lot. We had fun, but recently, she seems more and more distant.
Kalle: Cooling off period eh?
John: Yeah
Kalle: Hm, I think you should stay away from her.
John: ?!?!?!
Shining a harsh light on modern living, modern society and my life in my society.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Valentine's Day Short Stories on Love
The following were posted on my Facebook account at various interval throughout this year's Valentine's Day.
______________________________________________________________________________
When you are dying, suddenly a lot of people loves you.
Die, and suddenly EVERYONE loves you.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
Lost: One male heart. May be broken. If found, please return to her. If she rejects, please dispose of said item accordingly.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
Breaking News: Elderly lady found dead on grave of husband of 50 years. Police ruled out foul play, suspects broken heart as cause of death. Police implore witnesses to step forward and provide information.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
A Valentine's Day Short Love Story for The Road: "Happy Valentine's Day, cute but sobbing girl in the car behind me, stuck together in traffic".
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
"Woof woof woof"
"I'm sorry, Hachi, but he is never coming back"
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
A Valentine's Day Short Storyy on Unconditional Love:
"Push push!"
"Congratulations, it's a beautiful baby boy!"
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
Hmm..I wonder what she is doing right now.
I wonder if she misses me the way that I miss her.
I can't wait to see her in the office again tomorrow, maybe she'll wear that cute skirt that I bought her.
Maybe I'll bring her chocolates.
Hopefully, I'll get to kiss her before the day en...
"Huh?"
"Yeah honey, I love you too. I'm almost done. Don't worry, our kids can't hear us."
...where was I? Oh yeah, a kiss from her before before the day ends.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
When you are dying, suddenly a lot of people loves you.
Die, and suddenly EVERYONE loves you.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
Lost: One male heart. May be broken. If found, please return to her. If she rejects, please dispose of said item accordingly.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
Breaking News: Elderly lady found dead on grave of husband of 50 years. Police ruled out foul play, suspects broken heart as cause of death. Police implore witnesses to step forward and provide information.
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
A Valentine's Day Short Love Story for The Road: "Happy Valentine's Day, cute but sobbing girl in the car behind me, stuck together in traffic".
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
"Woof woof woof"
"I'm sorry, Hachi, but he is never coming back"
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
A Valentine's Day Short Storyy on Unconditional Love:
"Push push!"
"Congratulations, it's a beautiful baby boy!"
The end.
______________________________________________________________________________
Hmm..I wonder what she is doing right now.
I wonder if she misses me the way that I miss her.
I can't wait to see her in the office again tomorrow, maybe she'll wear that cute skirt that I bought her.
Maybe I'll bring her chocolates.
Hopefully, I'll get to kiss her before the day en...
"Huh?"
"Yeah honey, I love you too. I'm almost done. Don't worry, our kids can't hear us."
...where was I? Oh yeah, a kiss from her before before the day ends.
The end.
Monday, February 13, 2012
G.L.A.D on Valentine's Day
An admission of writer's block. I have the desire to pen down a few thoughts about this special day, but with no outline as yet on my notepad, God knows where this post will be headed towards.
Valentine's Day is not just about one day, as many would have known by now. Nope, for many, it is an event which requires weeks of advance planning, and the repercussions of a well planned or a screwed up Valentine's Day is felt for weeks after that.
I'm not even referring to the corporations or small business owners (such as the evil horde of florists) raking in abominable profits which pays for their children's college funds and their Caribbean cruises (but since we are on this subject, flowers, chocolates and condoms should be included in the Price Control Act and Anti Profiteering Act 2011 to prevent the abuses of young horny, and hence non-rational, males everywhere).
Nope, I am referring to aforementioned horny males - especially those without a girl to spend the money equivalent to a house loan on during this day.
For those who are blissfully unattached, Valentine Day may seem like a non-event, and most single people like to show that they are okay with their current status of being "undesired", but the truth is, they start perspiring pheromones weeks ahead. The following are the stages an unattached man goes through in the days leading to D-Da..I mean, V-Day:
One month before V-Day: I've got a month to find a date for Valentine's Day. Time to stalk Facebook to see who among my friend list is still single. This should be easy. I love you Mark Zuckerberg, for conceiving Facebook.
2 weeks before V-Day: Okay okay, maybe Facebook friends list is a little too limited in scope. Time to expand my search to my Friendster friends.
1 week before V-Day: Self-doubt creeps in. What's wrong with me? I'm slightly porky and puke in my mouth at the thought of conversation with the fairer sex, but I'm sure I'm still better than that obese old man with a bad comb-over and a hot broad hanging on his arms....wait, he drives a Ferarri. I hate women.
2 days before V-Day: Maybe the Mayans screwed up, and maybe the world will end on 13 February, if I pray hard enough.
1 day before V-Day: Stupid radio stations with their constant looping of sappy love songs. Read somewhere that people know they are in love when "all the love songs makes sense". What does it mean then, when "all the love songs makes one want to hang himself like Moe does in The Simpsons every holiday season"?
V-Day: Looks longingly at the couples that walks past your windows, arms locked, tripping over each other. Resolves to improve oneself, by hitting the gym (doable), getting a six pack (doable) and stop being a weirdo (close to impossible), so that one won't remain dateless by the next Valentine's Day.
V-Day +1: Goes back to stalking girls on Facebook. Decides Friendster is a lost cause, tries to add search for Friendster female "friends" on Facebook to add them.
Happy Valentine's Day, my single friends!
Postscript:
Research has shown that single people have more sex with more partners than successfully attached or married couples, so instead of Single Awareness Day, with its S.A.D acronym insinuating a downside to being single, may I suggest G.L.A.D, which stands for Getting Laid Always Day.
Do drop me a message if you have other candidates to replace S.A.D.
Valentine's Day is not just about one day, as many would have known by now. Nope, for many, it is an event which requires weeks of advance planning, and the repercussions of a well planned or a screwed up Valentine's Day is felt for weeks after that.
I'm not even referring to the corporations or small business owners (such as the evil horde of florists) raking in abominable profits which pays for their children's college funds and their Caribbean cruises (but since we are on this subject, flowers, chocolates and condoms should be included in the Price Control Act and Anti Profiteering Act 2011 to prevent the abuses of young horny, and hence non-rational, males everywhere).
Nope, I am referring to aforementioned horny males - especially those without a girl to spend the money equivalent to a house loan on during this day.
For those who are blissfully unattached, Valentine Day may seem like a non-event, and most single people like to show that they are okay with their current status of being "undesired", but the truth is, they start perspiring pheromones weeks ahead. The following are the stages an unattached man goes through in the days leading to D-Da..I mean, V-Day:
One month before V-Day: I've got a month to find a date for Valentine's Day. Time to stalk Facebook to see who among my friend list is still single. This should be easy. I love you Mark Zuckerberg, for conceiving Facebook.
2 weeks before V-Day: Okay okay, maybe Facebook friends list is a little too limited in scope. Time to expand my search to my Friendster friends.
1 week before V-Day: Self-doubt creeps in. What's wrong with me? I'm slightly porky and puke in my mouth at the thought of conversation with the fairer sex, but I'm sure I'm still better than that obese old man with a bad comb-over and a hot broad hanging on his arms....wait, he drives a Ferarri. I hate women.
2 days before V-Day: Maybe the Mayans screwed up, and maybe the world will end on 13 February, if I pray hard enough.
1 day before V-Day: Stupid radio stations with their constant looping of sappy love songs. Read somewhere that people know they are in love when "all the love songs makes sense". What does it mean then, when "all the love songs makes one want to hang himself like Moe does in The Simpsons every holiday season"?
V-Day: Looks longingly at the couples that walks past your windows, arms locked, tripping over each other. Resolves to improve oneself, by hitting the gym (doable), getting a six pack (doable) and stop being a weirdo (close to impossible), so that one won't remain dateless by the next Valentine's Day.
V-Day +1: Goes back to stalking girls on Facebook. Decides Friendster is a lost cause, tries to add search for Friendster female "friends" on Facebook to add them.
Happy Valentine's Day, my single friends!
Postscript:
Research has shown that single people have more sex with more partners than successfully attached or married couples, so instead of Single Awareness Day, with its S.A.D acronym insinuating a downside to being single, may I suggest G.L.A.D, which stands for Getting Laid Always Day.
Do drop me a message if you have other candidates to replace S.A.D.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
A New Year Resolution
Stop complaining.
Shit happens so we can make jokes out of it...
...and shitty people comes into our lives so we can make jokes out of them.
Shit happens so we can make jokes out of it...
...and shitty people comes into our lives so we can make jokes out of them.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, December 19, 2011
A Drunk Driving Cautionary Tale
Read on the net, at The Curious Diary of Mr. Jam (http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/).
THOUGHT-PROVOKING note from reader Barbara Dyer:
Haha. Brilliant!
THOUGHT-PROVOKING note from reader Barbara Dyer:
“A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safely, without incident. This was a real surprise as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where the %$& I got it from.”
Haha. Brilliant!
Monday, November 21, 2011
I AM A HATER...
...I hate racism.
...I hate corruption.
...I hate typso.
...I hate prejudice.
...I hate loud chatter in elevators.
...I hate stupid people.
..which means I hate most people other than me (although some days I deserve to be hated by myself)
...I hate spam emails.
...I hate rainy days when I'm outdoors.
...I hate sunny days when I'm stuck indoors.
...I hate doubters, especially since I doubt myself enough.
...I hate friends who expects me to be entertaining, even when I am not.
...I hate thin people who complains about being fat.
...As of today, I really hate motorcyclist who flouts the traffic rules, and yet when an accident occurs, they are well protected by the legal and insurance systems.
...I hate boredom, and boring people (i.e. people who are boring, and situations where I bore people)
...I hate corruption.
...I hate typso.
...I hate prejudice.
...I hate loud chatter in elevators.
...I hate stupid people.
..which means I hate most people other than me (although some days I deserve to be hated by myself)
...I hate spam emails.
...I hate rainy days when I'm outdoors.
...I hate sunny days when I'm stuck indoors.
...I hate doubters, especially since I doubt myself enough.
...I hate friends who expects me to be entertaining, even when I am not.
...I hate thin people who complains about being fat.
...As of today, I really hate motorcyclist who flouts the traffic rules, and yet when an accident occurs, they are well protected by the legal and insurance systems.
...I hate boredom, and boring people (i.e. people who are boring, and situations where I bore people)
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