Reasons Why I Did Not Go For The Bersih Rally

Top five reasons why I did not attend the Bersih 3.0 rally:

5. I thought that it was some 1Malaysia national "gotong-royong" activity.

4. I am a Barisan Nasional supporter...until THEY start rallying, then I am a PKR supporter..

3. Yellow does not look good on me.

2. Astro was showing free channels (HBO! Fox Premium Movies!) for a week, starting from a day before the rally.

...and the number one reason why I did not attend the Bersih 3.0 rally...

1. I could not locate my Power Ranger suit.

Self Esteem - The Voice Within

The next time you find yourself alone, whether you are just standing underneath the shower, or sitting in a parked car, listen.

Listen to what you are saying to yourself.

Throughout life, we are surrounded by people who revel in putting us down just to make themselves feel better, people who are callous with their words.

The one person who shouldn't add in to all this negativity is yourself.

You may not be aware of it, but we are constantly in a subconscious conversation with ourselves, and many times, we allow ourselves to repeat the criticisms that others level at us.

"You are not good enough"

"You are not smart enough"

"You are not beautiful or good looking"

Listen. Are these the things that you hear when you stop, and listen?

If you do, it is time you practice some positive reinforcement to boost your self-esteem and confidence.

Take the wheels of your mind and drive. Be conscious of the thoughts that you have, and when you identify thoughts that plants the seeds of self-doubt, get rid of them by telling yourself that you are good enough, that you are smart, and you look good.

In the beginning, you will find it hard to believe, or it may sound delusional, but give it time. Before long, you will discover that being happy with yourself, being confident and having a healthy dose of self-esteem will come as naturally and as effortless as breathing.

So, listen to that voice within you, and if you do not like what you hear, know that you have the ability to change it.

An Evening At The Nursing Home

There she laid, with her mouth wide open, motionless except for the slight rising and lowering of her chest, each of her limbs tied loosely to the bed frame with pieces of stained white cloth.

By the side of her bed stores her few measly belongings. Biscuits, milk powder, toothbrush. All tagged with her name. A name that I read but did not commit to memory.

At the other corner of the room was another woman, probably in her early 50s, with her full head of jet black hair looking out of place among the other residents. She was also lying on her bed, but not sleeping, just staring at the ceiling, presumably deep in thought, paying no heed at all to my friend and I.

An old man sat outside, his walking stick next to him, as he scribbles away on his newspaper, fiercely trying to maintain his dignity, his mind, his sanity, or whatever is left of it.

Another resident, afflicted with what I can only guess is Parkinson's disease, sat watching an English documentary being shown on the television.

These were the scenes that surrounded me when I accompanied a friend to visit her aged grandmother, her mah mah, at a nursing home in Petaling Jaya. I've been to children's home before, but I have never visited an old folks' home prior to this.

My friend visits her mah mah at least twice a week, taking turns with her family members to bring food, drinks, and company to the old lady. I requested that she bring me along the next time she went, and that was how I ended up spending an evening at the nursing home.

Tonight, she brought sweet potatoes and yogurt, and her mah mah was delighted with the sight of the former. She has difficulties talking and even recognising her family members, but you could sense a build up of excitement and approval when she was shown the brown starchy tuber root.

When I helped to wheel her to the dining table, my friend asked her mah mah to lift up her legs instead of letting it drag on the floor. I asked if she would prefer I put the foot rest of the wheel chair down to make it easier for her mah mah. My friend explained that getting her to lift her legs may be the only form of exercise her grandmother will have for her weaken legs muscles and knees.

Seeing my friend talking to her mah mah, holding her right hand gently while encouraging her to use her left hand to hold the spoon and feed herself, it left me with a lasting impression, how two women, separated by more than fifty years and two generations continue to bond for however long it may last.

The attempts at conversation my friend had with her mah mah would probably be the only intelligent stimuli the old lady has had the entire day.

The rest of that evening,  one could only hear the sound from the television and the occasional chatter of the foreign staffs, and I suspect that the days would not be much different.

My friend used a wet towel to wipe her mah mah's face after the sweet potatoes, and banana cake softened with milk.

We left after tucking her grandmother in for the night.

Many of us don't like to be reminded of our mortality. We live our life like there is always tomorrow. The truth is, there is, but it may be a tomorrow that we are not part of.

We all tend to forget that each of us has an expiry date, and contrary to what is widely believed, this expiry date is not the day we finally pass on. No, our expiry date is the day when we start to lose our cognitive abilities, our physical functions. When all you have is the air between your lungs, that is when it is too late.

One may be lucky to live a life to a hundred, but as witnessed by myself on this fateful night, many reach an age where growing old gracefully and with your dignity intact seems like the impossible pursuit of the Holy Grail.

I was reminded of my own maternal grandmother while I was at the home, and I remembered all the morning walks that me and my siblings took with her through the shops in Damansara Uptown. She passed away fifteen years ago due to cancer, and yet my sisters, brother and I still speak of her fondly, as if she is still among the living (My sister related to me how she was recently burned by an incense stick by my late grandmother while praying, as a lesson for being "angry" at my grandmother for not helping my sister win the lottery after having a bird pooped on her).

My apologies if you are searching for a lesson in this post, for there is none to be had. No enlightenment. No morality posturing. No guilt trip to make you feel like you should spend more time with your aged parents and your loved ones.

This is a mere record of my evening spent at the nursing home. I cannot claim that I left that evening a better person, a learned man, but it is an experience that I would not forget in a haste.

Note: A huge thank you to my friend who was willing to let me publish my thoughts and observations of the intimate moments she shared with her mah mah, as well as inviting me to be part of the evening. 

Faith in our generation, restored.

Injustice: Welfare Stopped Due To Political Affiliation

It was reported in The Sun on 5 March 2012 that  Assistant Minister of Modernisation of Agriculture Datuk Mong Dagang had instructed the Welfare Department to stop welfare assistance to a handicapped person, Frusis Lebi.

Datuk Mong Dagang

According to the report his reasons for stopping welfare assistance and subsidies was "because he (meaning Frusis Lebi) is a strong Opposition supporter".

He was quoted in the same daily saying that the "welfare assistance shouldn't have been given in the first place because he can plant padi and ride a normal motorcycle like a normal person".

He allegedly wrote a letter to the Welfare Department and the Agriculture Department stating that Lebi "is against government policies and openly supported the Opposition candidate in Bukit Begunan constituency in the 2011 state elections."

The letter allegedly written by Datuk Mong Dagang

In another report in the same daily, his colleague in the government Tan Sri Dr James Masing, Land Development Minister has defended Datuk Mong Dagang's actions.

Tan Sri Dr James Masing

Masing is quoted in the daily as saying "follow the rule of life, that is jangan lawan towkay. In any organisation, we cannot go against the boss. That is the golden rule in life which we must observe."

Now I don't know why there is not a bigger furore over these unsettling developments in Sarawak.

The fact that an elected official fails to recognise that it is the tax payers, not his political party, who funds the Welfare Department and the machinations that we call OUR government, proves one and for all the sorry state of our country's governance.

The disbursement of such welfare subsidies should not be based on the whims and fancy of a politician. Instead, it should be based on the a set criteria which is transparent and consistent in its application.

Based on what Datuk Mong Dagang allegedly wrote in his letter, it appears that the only reason given to stop the subsidies was that the welfare recipient openly supported the opposition. His subsequent defence that Lebi should not have qualified for assistance in the first place seems like an afterthought, a weak excuse.

To have the Land Minister say, "don't fight the boss because it is the rule of life" speaks volume of the way the government views themselves. Instead of being of public service to the citizens of Malaysia, they act as if they are, in Masing's own words, "bosses and towkays". From what I understand, bosses are people who usually own the organisation, i.e. the shareholders in a company. So, could this mean that Masing sees themselves as owners of Malaysia, and that we are all merely their employees? If you dare quote the "rule of life", how about the "rule of law"?

Gerhard Kocher said, "Ask not what the government can do for you. Ask why it doesn't."

In this case, the reason why it doesn't is merely because you did not cast your vote for them. By following this line of logic, students who are currently on government scholarship may also risk losing financial assistance if they dare to even speak up against the establishment. Businesses which do not toe the line of the political parties currently in power risk being sidelined in the awarding of government contracts.

I continue to use the term "government scholarships" and "government contracts" although the money that goes into the scholarships and the public contracts, belongs to us Malaysians, not the ministers or their cronies.

Do we still need any further reasons to realise that we need to demand our elected officials to be held to a higher benchmark and standard than what Dagang and Masing have exhibited in this instance?

Blessed is the country where her people sees the government and themselves as one and the same.

Do Ugly Babies Exist?

On lazy Sunday mornings like this, I like to just sit back, stare at the ceiling, put my hands in my pockets and ponder on some of life's most profound questions. Today, the following question has left me just a little stumped.

Do ugly babies exist?

Winston Churchill was born old. (Note: Photo on left is NOT Winston Churchill)

The PC police might lobby for legislation that prohibits the criticism of a defenceless baby based on his or her appearance, but really, when has the PC police ever been bothered about universal truths when they are too busy trying not to step on any one's toes.

If one were to rid themselves of the restraints that limit free and rational thinking, one would probably agree with me that not all babies are born adorable.

Simply put, it all boils down to genes. If an ugly man marries an ugly woman, and their baby looks like a mini Brad Pitt, chances are, said ugly woman cheated on her ugly man with Brad Pitt.

For as long as I can remember, even before the advent of the Internet, there has been baby contests. Back in those days, the baby photos submitted are judged by a faceless panel of judges, and the announcement of winners are done without much fanfare.

However, when a certain Harvard dropout unleashed the "Like" button on the world, baby contests have taken on a whole new level. Case in point, a recent baby contest held in Australia, hosted by Bonds, a clothing company.

According to the Yahoo article (Australian Beautiful Baby Contest Turns Ugly),  "Aussie mums were asked to send in pictures of their babies to the Bond Facebook page, but what was intended to be an opportunity to share adorable photos turned into a scathing commentary about the babies appearances".

Some comments were racists, such as one user who commented on a Eurasian baby's photo that "this is Bonds Australia, not Bonds Asia", while some were clearly written by people with no originality and probably a lack of a high school certificate, evidenced by comments such as "ugly ducking" and "a child only a mother could love". 

However, parents also have to share some of the blame. If you are willing to submit your children's photos for what amounts to nothing more than a beauty contest, then you have to be prepared that your little angel may not appear to be that angelic to everyone.

One of the parents of the babies in the Bond contest was so unable to accept the fact that her baby was anything but cute lodged a police report for the offensive comments her baby photos received. I wonder how that conversation went?

Police: Maam, what seems to be the problem?
Mum: I want to lodge a report against this person for calling my precious little baby ugly! Arrest him!
Police: Maam, would you like to put that cabbage you are holding down first before you make your report?
Mum: What cabbage? This IS my baby!
Police: Sorry maam. In that case, we can't arrest someone for telling the truth.

(I was going for the police to reply, "Maam, I thought you wanted to report a rape by Shrek which led to this abomination", but I think that would be too un-PC of me. Rape is not a joking matter, no matter how funny it may be in this context.)

Let's look at it this way. When a baby is crowned as the champion in a baby beauty contest, it means that he or she is more adorable than the baby who is crowned as runners-up, who in turn is judged as more adorable than the second runners up. Flip it around, and one may conclude that the baby placed third is uglier than the runners up, and the runners up is uglier than the champion.

Based on this sequence of logic, if you put all the babies in the world in a beauty contest, comparing from one baby to the another, you will have, say it with me, UGLY BABIES!

Don't get me wrong. As a former ugly baby, I am proof that while one does not grow out of ugliness entirely, it does get easier to live with. It would have been better, though, if the adults were more forthcoming with the level of my adorableness before setting me on a life of disappointment through the baby contest circuits.

Baby Justin

As a friend once said, "it's amazing how most babies, in the first few days after they are born, has all these wrinkles and looks like old people, but within weeks, turn into cherubic little things that you can't help but pepper with kisses all day long".

"He has got his dad's nose, his mum's eyes, and....his grandad's forehead?"

So if you are the parent of an ugly baby, don't fret. Just start putting aside a little more money for his future. Not for colleges or education, mind you, but for the sports car or the cool haircut that costs more than the budget of a third world country, that will be necessary for him or her to survive young adulthood with a mug "only a mother could love".

So, to end this rambling but thoughtful post, I leave you with a picture of the world's most disgusting baby.

So fat he can breastfeed himself

Enjoy the weekend!

The 10 Karaoke Commandments

A recent discourse with a friend on the less than savoury behaviours of people who haunts karaoke joints led to many interesting observations which I've decided would be beneficial for the karaoke community as a whole if they are known and adopted as the commandments for the religion of minus one songs.

This is in no way applicable to the dodgy karaoke joints with, ahem, paid company. In THOSE joints, as long as you have the money, no rules exist and anything goes.

Nope, these commandments are for the legitimate karaoke outlets where the only kisses you'll get are transferred via the microphones (more on that later).

And so, I give you, the 10 Karaoke Commandments:

1. THOU shalt not make out with the microphone

It's a mic, not a lollypop, or that other thing that you lick to make it firm....thread.

The microphones are shared, and it's bad enough it is covered with bacteria from orifices of strangers, but to see you stroking it gently while placing it's bulbous head on your lips while you sing? You can hold on to your slender cordless girlfriend, I'll just sit here NOT sharing your saliva.

2. THOU shalt not select songs for others

Not everyone likes Black Eyed Peas, just like not everyone likes the syrupy ballads of Jacky Cheung (although they should - he is God of Song). So while it is bearable to listen to others sing songs that you may not favour, it gets a little annoying to have others select songs that you dislike, and telling you that they chose if for you and you have to sing it.

3. THOU shalt not covet the songs selected by others

If I select a song first, even if you believe that song to be solely owned by you, too bad. I get to sing it. Hands of the microphone. However, if you are a pretty girl or good looking guy, I might share half the song with you - but if you think you are singing lead, dream on.

4. THOU shalt not select songs just to listen to the original singers sing

Go home and watch MTV or Youtube. It's cheaper.

5. THOU shalt not sit in a corner and play with that damn iPhone (forgivable if it is Blackberry)

You are paying close to a day's wages to be in the karaoke room. Similar to the previous point,  if you are going to spend that time showing the world how "cool" (read: anti-social) you are, or that you think harvesting fake smurf gardens is more important than present company, you can do it from the comforts of your own home.

6. THOU shalt jump songs within reasonable limits

Due to the prevailing nature of Malaysian Timing (see "I am on my way - Concept of Malaysian Timing" ), it is inevitable that some people may come later than others. By then, the list of selected songs may be thicker than a hard copy of Wikipedia.

Size if Wikipedia is printed out

In such situation, it is understandable, even expected, that the latecomers will "jump" some of their songs to the front. This benefits everybody. The latecomers will not feel like they are penalised for being late (their penalty though, should be to buy everyone a round of beer), while those who were there earlier won't get tired of just singing their songs consecutively.

However, don't jump more than one song at a time. Play nice, and take turns.

7. THOU shalt change keys to suit your vocal range

Unless you are Mariah Carey, or that fat kid from Taiwan, you probably can't sing all the songs that you like to sing in their original key.

Make use of technology, and either lower the key (called a flat "♭") or increase the key (called a sharp "#"). And if you do it without anyone knowing, people will be impressed when you can hit that fake high C that Mariah is famous for.

8. THOU shalt get your booty moving when singing a Black Eyed Peas song

Imagine that you are at a funeral, and the mood is sombre, sad even, and the parlour is playing "Let's Get It Started" from their speakers.

Yup, that's how it looks like exactly (minus the presence of a dead body) when you are in a karaoke room and every one's butt is planted to the couch when uptempo songs like these are being sung. It is rumoured that there is a legendary female creature that stands on the couch and puts on a concert whenever Katy Perry's "Fireworks" is on.

Do that, and when "I'm Sexy And I Know It" is on, don't forget, "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle".

Second from left.  He so fugly they put a box on his head.

9. THOU shalt not permanently attach remote control to your hand

Use this as a general rule. Never use the remote control to browse through the outlet's entire song list before letting go. Return it to the middle of the table once you have selected approximately four to five songs, remember where you left of, and continue browsing from that point onwards when the remote has made its rounds back to you.

10. THOU shalt not "accidentally" cancel a song that's being sung halfway.

Carrying on from the previous commandment, familiarise yourself with the buttons before the lights are turned down low, so you do not "accidentally" press the Stop button.

Knowing which exactly is the Stop button will benefit you as well, because as soon as a singer says "cancel the song, I don't want to continue singing anymore," you can cancel immediately before he changes his mind. Hey, time in a karaoke room is too precious to be wasted on songs being sung half-hearted.


So, go forth and multiply, oh believers of the religion of minus-one songs. May Jacky Cheung smile upon you always.

Good Friends/Better Enemies

Boomerang Counsellors: People who returns advices that you yourself said first.

John: I think I should stay away from Mary. I've not contacted her for the past 2 days.
John: I don't think it is going to work out, although I like her a lot. We had fun, but recently, she seems more and more distant.

Kalle: Cooling off period eh?

John: Yeah

Kalle: Hm, I think you should stay away from her.

John: ?!?!?!