Talentime: The Results

When I first thought of writing this post, I wanted to fill it with my disappointments, my regrets, analyzing over every minute detail of the performance, what I did wrong, where I could have done better, and the dejected feeling of losing.

However, after sleeping on it for a good 8 hours, I start to realise that that shouldn't be what I focus on. Although I might still pepper the post with a little bit of negativity here and there, it shouldn't be the main take away from my virginal experience of singing solo in front of a ballroom full of strangers.

Instead, this series of posts will serve as a record of my experience from the point I received the email from the organising committee of Great Eastern's Annual Dinner & Dance 2011 announcing the talent competition, to, well, this morning, when me and Jean talked about it.

Keeping in tradition with the way I like to write, lets start from the end, the announcement of the result, and jump around with no respect of a perceivable chronological timeline.

My team and I didn't place. We got a consolation prize, which was RM 588. The consolation prize is given to the remaining 3 teams that did not place first to second runners up.

I cannot deny that it was disappointing. Was I completely taken by surprise by the results? Since I messed up the lyrics twice during the performance, it should have been expected, but my hopes that other aspects of the performance might still make up for the mistakes were obviously misplaced.

However, I have to state that I was a little surprised that some teams which I thought performed better than others didn't get the results that, in my humble opinion, they deserved.

Of course, it wasn't up to me how the 3 judges scored the remaining teams. Personal preferences for dance over song, showmanship over technique dictated their scoring and although others may see it differently, the fact that 90% of the results were determined by these appointed judges can't be changed.

The champions of the night was Mat Bunga, a Latin dance troupe with elaborate dance steps and costumes, and the runners up was another dance crew, D'Truth who performed a hip hop dance. Second runner up was the local rock star, Abang Salleh who can probably give Faizal Tahir, a guest artiste of the night, a run for his money. The remaining teams were my team, comprising of Fikri, Rachel, KC and myself, Iconic, a team that performed puppetry to the Guns & Roses song, "Sweet Child of Mine", and another solo singer with her keyboardist, Yien Li and Ying Shih respectively.

Yien Li and Ying Shih produced a beautiful medley of Siti Nurhaliza's "Bukan Cinta Biasa", a Theresa Teng mandarin classic and Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch" which I thought should have warranted a first to third placing.

However, reflecting on last night's dinner, Yien Li/Ying Shih's placing was not the only thing that didn't go as expected.

Practicing in a closed surrounding with the acoustics that I am more familiar with, everything seemed pitch perfect. There were no missed words, and each note was well controlled. What I hadn't factored in though were the nerves that creep up on you when you are on stage.

Forgetting the first sentence to the first song was bad enough. While looking at a recording of the performance this morning, I noticed that I was holding the microphone too close and ended up singing loudly into it, without the proper amount of control that I should have exerted. My mistakes kept piling up when I somehow sang "complicate" instead of "compliment" in my second song.

I knew from the second I stepped down from the stage that I would be beset with negative thoughts, and I needed to rein in those emotions so that I do not appear too distressed in front of my fellow team members and our colleagues. I needed a few minutes to myself, but not before I thanked all three of them for their effort. An apology wasn't appropriate that time. It was after all, a performance that despite the mistakes, everyone, including myself (although I really had to convince myself) should be proud of.

Internally there is this struggle to allow the disappointment to completely engulf oneself and hide in a corner, or to take pride in our little performance despite its flaws, and face the crowd with courage.

I texted and spoke to a few close friends, spoke to Jean briefly, and shared my misery with only a selected few.

I decided, though, that I would not allow myself to wallow in self-pity. Well, at least not for too long.

After lounging at the corridors for a good 15 to 20 minutes, I took a deep breath and went back into the ballroom to take my seat among my fellow internal auditors, and receive a warm welcome from them. They were generous in their support for me and for that, I am grateful. After a few high fives, I tucked into the food that has been left for me.

Oh how I ate. I made sure that not a single morsel of food was left on the plates. Within 10 minutes, I had a mini mountain of small plates stacked by the side, not unlike what you see in sushi restaurants. Immannuel commented that he has never seen me as hungry as I was last night, but after a week of avoiding fried and spicy food to partial success, this was my redemption, my prize at the end of a month-long struggle and hard work.

I was a spent force by the end of the evening. I was exhausted, my eyes were tired, there was a distinct lack of energy in every fiber of my being, and although I could have used a beer or two with good company, I knew that what was most important was that I get back home and get the sleep that my body craved.

My night came to an end when I finally planted my face deep into the comforts of my pillow at 2 in the morning, but this tale is far from over. This is the end, but the beginning is just about to start.