Men: Through The Ages

At his very core and essence, men has not change since the Ice Age.

As compared to the fairer gender, men has steadfastly held on the the concept of simplicity, and outright rejected all complexities that women bring to the table.

To understand men, all you need to know are three things, and believe, even in another thousand years, this will still hold true.

(Note: Read this in an "ugh ugh", Neandarthal "Cavemen" style)

1. Men like food. Preferably with meat.

2. Men like sex. Prefarably with women.

3. Men like sports. Preferably without women.

So go forth, all ye woman who claims that your men are difficult to understand, and have a more understanding and loving relationship.

THE ULTIMATE SOLUTION TO BERSIH 2.0 & ANTI-BERSIH 2.0

Give ALL of them permits!

Look, since EVERYONE wants to rally, instead of threatening forceful crackdown on protesters and refusing to approve permits to everybody, why not allow everyone to have their say, and give them the freedom to assemble and rally in peace?

Before you write me off as a nut, consider the following:

• If you issue permits for all the rallies, instead of selected ones, ONE, you will not be accused of trampling on the right to free speech, and TWO, no one can label the police force of biasness and as mere puppets of the Government.
• If you think that the Malaysian police force doesn't have the manpower to monitor the rallies if they are approved, I put it to you that it will require even more personnel to operate water cannons, swing the batons and chase protesters down the alleys, than if all that the police need to do is just to direct traffic to allow the protesters to march without being mowed down by motor vehicles. Also, I am sure for just a day, the VVIPs can zip around town without their usual police escort, and these surpluses can be utilised to monitor the rallies.
• Re-brand the rallies as a peaceful parade for 1Malaysia. Anything that is tainted by the admittedly lame slogan will definitely drive the young hippies away from the event. You can also get Dato' Siti to sing the Negaraku, and since there are already silat exponents willing to spend their day on these rallies, why not get them to stage a performance as part the parade?
• But what about the shops in the vicinity whose business will be affected, as well as the loss in potential tourism money? Well, just take a look at Mardi Gras, the St. Patrick's Day parades and how much money is generated from these events! People from all over the world flock to catch a glimpse, and shops beg for the parades to pass by their street.
• Who will sponsor such a parade though? Besides all the unproven allegations that the rallies are already funded by shadowy associations like the Canadian Allied Foundation (Canada? Seriously? What harm can a country that Southpark ridicules on a daily basis inflict on us?), has anyone considered Digi? They already have obese men dress in yellow condoms as their mascot, so why not take advantage of the notoriety that the color yellow has already gain in recent days?
• Okay okay, I hear you. Malaysians can never pull of a Mardi Gras. But what's the worst that would happen if we fail to change the rally into a fun-loving parade free from violence with the main aim of attracting bone headed tourists, most probably from Canada (and possibly be heralded as an exemplary country for free speech)? We will end up with a boring parade through the streets of Kuala Lumpur with little or no interest from the general public, not unlike our annual National Day Parade.
• Issue the permits with the condition that all rally organisers convert their rallies into marathons. I can safely guarantee that only 20% of the protesters will finish to the end of the rallies. The rest of them will just take a short cut to the finishing line and wait for lucky draws.
• And to sweeten the deal, the permits to be approved, i.e. the approved permits (also known as AP), can be sold to middle-men who can then make a lawful gain by selling it to the rally organisers, hence creating jobs and contributing to the overall economy.

So, my dear policemen and policewomen whom I both fear and respect, please consider my simple, non-convoluted and non-partisan suggestion.

Issue permits to all rallies. It's a cure for all your headaches.

In fact, since it is my birthday today, I will prove how patriotic I am by wishing that all the permits that all organisers of rallies, be it Bersih 2.0, Perkasa or Umno Youth, is finally granted, and Malaysia will be a shining beacon to the rest of the world (instead of the laughing stock that we are now - I mean, come on, banning yellow coloured T-Shirts?)

This Is Still A Men's World, Apparently (Part I)

I find it surprising that the liberal minded people of this country, who repeatedly denounces racial based affirmative policies of the Government, wasn't up in arms with the Prime Minister's announcement yesterday of a Cabinet approved target of 30% women representation in listed companies' decision making positions (i.e. board of directors).

The principles that form the foundation of calls for national laws and policies based on pure meritocracy doesn't seem to apply when it comes to the struggle for gender equality.

Where I draw similarities in both these imbalances in racial and gender share of the economic pie is given as follows:

• Both groups are perceived to be at an unfair disadvantage, a result of the many years of discrimination and bias.
• Intervention or affirmative actions by the Government is seen as necessary to correct the imbalances, such as setting quotas, awarding of contract or positions based on race/gender.
• Lofty arbitrary targets are set which are difficult to achieve especially given the missteps in implementation of these policies, leading to indefinite extension of said targets and failed policies. For example, the 30% NEP target for bumiputera's corporate ownership has been used many times by politicians to push forward affirmative policies in the name of bumiputera's economic advancement and to safeguard their interest.

Opponents of the NEP and its affirmative policies have long cried foul over the culture of corruption and cronyism that is birthed by said policies. Governing along racial lines is not limited only to equity ownership of companies, it also includes award of Government tenders, sale of real property, distribution of scholarships for tertiary education, etc. Detractors insist that these policies cripple the advancement of the country while sidelining qualified non-bumiputera companies and businessmen.

I fail to reconcile how the above arguments against affirmative actions for bumiputeras cannot be used similarly in contesting the affirmative policies for women in boardrooms. The adoption of such policies means that if a man and a woman are both similarly qualified for a vacant position at a company's board, the decision will ultimately be based on their gender.

In some extreme cases, in order to meet the Government's 30% target, an under qualified female member of the board may be appointed just to make up the quota.

Conversely, a board composition that already has 30% women representation may choose to remain status-quo, and overlook suitable women candidates without any concern of being reprimanded by the Government.

I admit though, that there is a disconnect between the number of female undergraduates and the number of female employees in the workforce. Women have excelled in education and the number of women graduates have since a number of years back, surpassed their male counterparts. This hints strongly at a discriminatory environment in the offices of corporate Malaysia, and the existence of the proverbial "glass ceiling".

However, I don't think the government's approach towards attaining equality among gender is the correct one. According to reports, the first step to be taken is to implement these targets at Government Linked Companies ("GLC"), and other government controlled/regulated organisations such as banks, financial institutions and the civil service. They will then attempt to "persuade" the public listed companies and the remaining corporate industries to adopt these targets. No definition of "persuasion" is given.

Instead of mandating arbitrary targets and forcing them down the throats of companies, the Government should instead focus on a two pronged strategy.

One, channel additional funds to organisations which provides training to aspiring women leaders of the corporate world.

Two, legislate against companies that practices discriminatory policies against women employees. A recent class action lawsuit filed in the United States against Walmart by its female employees may still be in the midst of legal battle in the Supreme Courts, but it serves as an example for companies guilty of not ridding itself of gender biased cultures.

The Managing Editor of The Malaysian Insider, Joan Lau sums it up by writing "what women want is not mandated representation [but] we want equal opportunities”.

As can be observed from the implementation of affirmative economic policies, blind adherence to a subjective target and a misguided approach will lead to a disequilibrium wreck that is the condition of our country, where only the top few percentages are enriched while the income gap between the poor and the rich further widens. Similarly, questions should be asked if such policies to compel a target on women representation in companies is immediately worthy of applause and revere.

(Note: For the record, I believe that it is unnecessary for me to state that I am not a chauvinistic pig. You may form your own opinions of me. After all, I had the freedom to express mine.)

Chinese, Indian or Anak Malaysia? I Ask, Does It Matter ?

With Fathers' Day just two days away, it might not seem as surprising that there is a growing sense of entitlement among fathers of the world, whether or not they are deserving of such accolades and gifts.

However, the recent story involving Subang Jaya assemblywoman Hannah Yeoh and her husband, who is of Indian descent, and their decision to register their newly born daughter as "Chinese", after failing to firstly register her as "anak Malaysia", and failing again in their attempt to leave the race column blank, which had some parties up in arms, reeks of the stench of dirty politics, racial and gender intolerance, and plain stupidity, rather than the warm father-daughter stories that fills the fourth estate during such festive times.

Stupidity No 1 - The Memorandum

"Earlier, scores of Indians from various non-governmental organisations in Petaling Jaya handed over a memorandum to Lim at the MCA complaints bureau here."

Who has so much spare time that they can draft and submit a memorandum on a personal decision made by parents for their own child? This is clearly a matter that should be decided by no one else but the child's parents, and anybody who tries to impose their values and beliefs on others often merely reveal themselves to be bigots (in this case, bigots who would rather waste their time on writing memorandums on things that do not concern them than on issues that do).

Maybe the Chinese community should also write a memorandum demanding that the courts annul the marriage, as her decision to marry outside her race has demeaned the Chinese.

While we are at it, I would gladly write a memorandum protesting her decision to marry a man, which demeans the womenfolk, and is clearly a political ploy to get support from the male voters.

To the Memorandum Writing Mobile!

Stupidity No 2 - The Sexist Card Played

"The group's spokesman P. Balakrishnan said Yeoh's husband Ramachandran Muniandy had demeaned the Indians by not standing up for his right to decide the race of his child.

He urged the NRD to cancel the baby's birth certificate and issue a fresh one identifying her race as “Indian”."

In case this point wasn't made clearly in the preceding paragraph, this matter should be resolved solely by a joint decision by both the father and mother of the child without coercion of influence of others (except maybe nosy mother-in-laws).

A joint-"decision" made by mutual agreement by the parents, and in this case, the mother has as much right as the father to "decide the race of the child". It is neither stated in any judicial precedent or constitution that the father has an inalienable right  to "decide" on matters such as this, and it is definitely not the right of any community or group to make this "decision" as well.

Stupid No 3 - "Deciding" On A Race Is An OxyMORON.

To be absolutely clear, race is not religion. One cannot choose your race, even if one is of mixed parentage. Children from mixed marriages may have documents that says so otherwise, but when your DNA and genes consist of more than one race, I am sorry, you are of mixed race. As an adult of sound mind, I cannot just decide one day to change my race from Chinese to the obviously much superior race, the Caucasians.

Unless one can scientifically prove that the child is more Indian than Chinese, that she will grow up to have darker skin rather than yellow, or have big and beautiful eyes rather than small ones, how can anyone say that registering her as one race and not the other is wrong?

Stupidity No 4 - The Politic Card Rears Its Ugly Snake Infested Head

"Selangor MCA has expressed its sympathy to the Indian community who are unhappy with Subang Jaya assemblyman Hannah Yeoh over the racial identity of her newborn baby girl.

“Her husband is an Indian and it is customary to name the child's ethnicity as Indian,” he said, adding the assemblyman's initial stance to define her baby as anak Malaysia (child of Malaysia) was politically motivated."

Of course if was politically motivated!

It was all part of a grand evil plan, right from the boring conception process till the painful and laborious process of, erm, labour, Hannah's intention of having a baby is to score valuable political points.

In fact, her whole marriage is a farce, a scam to make inroads into the Indian community amd gain political mileage and their precious votes come election time. By marrying one of their own, her depraved and despicable intention was to be accepted by the Indian voters.

Now that her insidious schemes have been uncovered by the obviously politically-neutral and heartbroken-over-plight-of-Indians Selangor MCA, and it's advisor, Datuk C.K. Lim, rumor has it that she intends to divorce her husband and abandon her daughter, lie low for a short period of time, then emerge with another evil plan to marry someone from the Malay race.

Stupidity No 5 - The Parents

Marriage in itself already presents an infinite amount of challenges. Factor in mixed race marriages, political ambitions and living your life under public scrutiny, and you have a fairly combustible combination.

Is it too unreasonable to expect that the topic of the resulting union's children be brought up for discussion much earlier in the marriage, or better still, the pre-I Do stage? A reasoned discussion held prior to the birth between the parents can then be shared with the public, in case a small group of busy bodies who purports to represent a community questions the parents' decision.

Is it also unreasonable to expect that an experienced elected politician to know that the moment you opt to register your child as "anak Malaysia", you will be stirring up the proverbial hornet's racial nest and have everything including the Federal Constitution thrown at the general direction of your face?

Furthermore, "anak Malaysia" was your first choice? How about "Indian-Chinese"? "Chinese-Indian"? Even "dan lain-lain" would have been less controversial than "anak Malaysia".

For full story on this non-issue, please refer to the article in The Star:
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/6/17/nation/8918687&sec=nation

"LIKE" If You Have Been F**ked By Astro or Maxis!

No Copyright Infringement Intended.
Just to prove your service is as cold and mechanical as your corporate logo.

Dear Astro, Maxis and All Other Service Providers,

In case your respective marketing departments failed in their duty to remind you that the fastest growing segment of your customer base is the young working adults, allow me to volunteer my pro-bono consultative advice.

Briefly, the profile of this emerging segment of customers are as follows:

1. They have just recently joined the work force, and with competition among peers being how it is today, they have no choice but to work long hours in the office with minimal opportunities to take leave of absence from work.
2. They have just recently bought a house/apartment in a fringe part of the city, and yet spend very little time in their house/apartment since they have to work aforementioned long hours to support the crushing volume of debt & interest payment.
3. If they are co-habitating or married, chances are both parties are working full time jobs, and are rarely home.
4. As immigrants to the city, many young adults do not have immediate family members in close proximity who can chip in when it comes to running errands.

Understanding the above would then assist in crafting policies and practices governing customer service and interaction in a way that doesn't awaken your customer's Icarian instinct to fly out of the 9th floor of a high rise building.

Do not, for instance:

• Make your young adult customers wait on the phone for too long - Their bosses really hate it when employees are not seen to be typing furiously on their laptops but instead have a mobile phone sandwiched between their ears and palms, while in the office.
• Restrict the times your technicians can make house calls. Although I understand that there are security concerns that should be considered, many of your customers cannot take half a day off just to wait for the technician who agrees to come anytime between 1 p.m. and next year's Christmas. It would be great if we can welcome the technicians to our houses after official office working hours or during the weekends.
• Pass the customers' call to ten different departments. Your customers do not enjoy repeating his name, identification card number, mother's maiden name, mode of last bill payment, pet dog's birth date, etc for ten times just to pass the verification test.
• Promise to call back within 48 hours, and then don't call back within those said hours. Your average Malaysian, a product of a very successful national education policy, have been taught to count up to fifty, and since they can afford your grossly priced services, most can probably also afford a watch/clock to keep track of time lapse.
• Force your customers to pay a visit to your headquarters or your branches for services that could have easily been given over the phone. The effort to find an available parking bay is usually given up quickly and replaced by double parking and risk of traffic citations. Again, your customers do not like to utilise their annual leave just to spend it swapping his office for yours
• Charge your customers for service downtime that is not their fault, then make them jump through hoops for them to request (or more appropriately, demand) a waiver of said charges.

In my case, as a member of the young working adult segment, I have suffered all of the above throughout the years since I moved out from my parents' house, but my recent attempts to install Astro's satellite television service takes the cake.

I had registered for an Astro account more in early May.

After 2 weeks, the appointed Astro installer, an external agent of the company, failed to return my call to provide me with an update. I had to personally make the necessary calls to the Astro headquarters, one thing that the agent should have performed as part of his responsibilities.

His first attempt at installation was unsuccessful due to what he claimed was a faulty decoder. He did, however, succeed in detaching the cable hook from my one month old television set and mistakenly attach it to the wall (instead of the television) causing the paint on my wall to peel.

His second attempt came three days after the first, although he had promised to return with a new decoder the immediate following evening. This time, he did not even turn up personally, instead sending an obviously inexperienced worker to perform the installation. I was told, after I have paid the full installation cost, that the service would commence two hours after installation.

Well, two hours came and pass, and there were still no "How I Met Your Mother: Season Six" showing on my modestly sized television screen.

After wasting a considerable amount of time and phone expenses (which ironically, goes to Maxis, my mobile service provider, a company owned by the same people who owns Astro) with the said installer trying to troubleshoot the problem, he practically gave up and asked me to call Astro directly for technical assistance.

At that point I gave up on him too.

I promptly called Astro the following morning, and after being given the usual drivel of "we have raised a report and our Technical Department will contact you within forty-eight hours", I told myself that, well, at least the experts whose employment is paid for by Astro directly is now looking into my predicament.

I shouldn't have got my hopes artificially inflated.

Forty-eight hours later, there was still no call from Astro's technical department. Being the adult in this situation, I proceeded to call their hot line to gently remind them that I wasn't yet deceased.

The nice lady who answered my call informed me that my report have already been transferred to the Technical Department, and that a technician have been assigned to my case, and should be calling me shortly. I politely asked for the technician's direct phone number, and she was kind enough to acquiesce to my request.

It was the number of the same Astro installer who had failed twice in installing the service, the one who gave up and had me contacting Astro directly.

Really? No wonder he did not want to call me within those forty-eight hours.

This was how I looked after she gave me the mobile number.

In an ideal world where monopoly does not exist and competition among business enterprises drives service quality up and keep prices manageable for consumers, complaints like mine will not be as prevalent. However, such a reality is not available to us Malaysians, so we resort to raising our grievances to faceless soulless corporations owned by well-connected multi-billionaires who pays minimum wages for poor customer service officers to courageously face the angry disgruntled customers.

As for me, I would like to think that I've maintained my composure and courtesy thus far without compromising on assertiveness, so I'll continue waiting patiently but at the same time keep an eye on the clock while my monopolistic service provider behemoths try to sort my problem out.

Still, getting f**ked by huge corporations leaves me crying in pain and shame.

The makings of a high performing manager.

Even before one embarks on a discovery of what one needs to do to be a good manager, one needs to have a clear definition of what IS a good manager.

There are many different interpretation of what is a good manager, and none of them are wrong. Even to an individual, their idea of a manager who is worthy of his title may change according to different circumstances, or even, different days of the week.

Change is important and inevitable. A rigid approach to managing limits growth and success. A good manager knows how to use different strategies to tailor to different facts of the case.

However, there needs to be a set of core values that one should be able to fall back on, no matter what the situation may be.

The following are what I believe I should strive to achieve. I've thought long and hard about whether or not to put this out on the net, but considering that these should be values that should I should be proud of, and the fact that I believe the success rate will increase if I solidify them in words (plus no one would actually read it besides myself) I guess there's no harm in doing so.

> IMAGE

Presentation is key. It is no longer enough to just do a good job, you have to be perceived to be doing a good job. You have to appear to be someone who is confident, strong, compassionate. Perception becomes reality.

How to do it?

Wake up every morning at 6.30 a.m. and turn up at work by 7.30. Start work an hour and a half earlier than others and make sure more things are done in one day.

Reply emails by 8.30 - 9.00 am and start clearing the day's task. By 4.00 p.m. reply another round of emails and stop entertaining request past 5.30pm. Leave the office by 6.30 pm to ensure that there's enough time for dinner or exercise or just drinks (or even a movie) with family and friends.

This will be a daily goal and will contribute towards having an individual work-life balance that everyone scoffs at as an impossible dream.

Showing your subordinates that having a fulfilling day at work AND life is possible while doing a job well done is key to motivating them to attaining the same goals.

>KEEP YOUR WORD

Many a times, you may have agreed to certain timelines/schedules and if you continuously fail to meet them, your subordinates will start taking them for granted, expecting you not to meet them yourselves.

How to do it?

Simple. Stick to your promises. If you really cannot avoid it, do not wait until the last minute to update your team. They need to know they are not working towards some arbitrary and indeterminable deadline.

Conversely, you should not turn up unexpected as well with demands that were not communicated earlier and with enough time for your team to prepare for.

> SHOW (OR FAKE) PASSION be positive

When it is so easy to slip down the road to pessimism and negativity, when herd mentality means people are more prone to being stress together than being happy together, when the misguided notion that working harder and longer than your peer means you are doing a better job permeats a team, a manager has to be equiped with the necessary skills to turn the tide.

How to do it?

Be positive yourself! Do not panic and do not look stress. In fact, embrace challenges and know that there are no problems without solutions and that at the end of the day, somethings got to give. So, why not make the journey to the conclusion as painless and as stress-free as possible? If there is a leader where the team knows they can depend on in times of chaos, it gives them a sense of security, and a calmness within themselves as well.

The obvious thing to do here is:

1. Smile more.
2. Do not raise your voice unnecessarily, although sounding determined and steadfast is crucial.
3. Listen when your team talks. This helps them to share their burden with you, hence lightening their load of worries.
4. Pay compliments and show positive feedback. This encourages a more conducive working environment where people want to turn up for work, rather than dread it.
5. Don't complain about your job or the engagement. Show how much you love it (even if you don't sometimes)

> PEOPLE

People are important. Keep those that you trust close to you. Make their career and personal development goals as important as yours.

How to do it?

Just be nicer to people, but do not back down when faced with incorrigible subordinates. Sometimes it is okay to cut your losses and just move on.

Also, it is important to be there. Just be there.

CERCLE VICIEUX (Part One)

I stumbled upon a realisation last Friday night after plying myself with several pints of beer in the company of my colleagues.

While having another round of our ritualistic weekly cerebral discussions about our chosen profession (some chosen by themselves, some chosen by their parents, some chosen by their non-existing wealth - all chosen nonetheless), we came to our favorite topic, what is lacking in our industry, and what can be done to improve it.

First, a disclaimer. The following is neither a researched nor an educated dissertation of the industry. It is merely the opinion of a lowly employee with little experience and exposure, and is most probably not reflective of the truth.

Now, where were we? Oh yeah.

The "cercle vicieux" alluded to in the title represents the unending process in which we try to break from stagnated mediocrity to achieve high performance, and all the challenges and brickwalls in between. It is the age old "chicken or egg" conundrum.

In every industry where the main product you are selling is a service, an intangible consultative advice, the differentiation between you and your closest competitor is the quality of the work you deliver.

To achieve and maintain a high level of quality in our work, we need to invest in highly qualified employees as well as lower the attrition rate.

Retaining employees means providing incentives for them to stay. It means rewarding them more than what the outside market can offer.

To pay a premium on remuneration for their employees, firms have to be able to generate sufficient revenue, i.e. higher fees, and to charge a higher fee, they have to convince their clients that they in fact paying for quality work, which brings us back again to how do we achieve quality work.

Now, the reverse holds true as well. If firms are not differentiated via quality, they are differentiated by price. In an equal playing field, the cheapest one wins.

So, firms low-ball the fees that you charge, which in turn means less revenue, which leads to lower cash to provide incentives and attract and retain high quality employees, which of course results in the deterioration of work quality.

If all the industry players do the same to ensure they remain competitive, well, total industrial quality goes down hill, and clients will demand for lower fees to be charged, and voila, you get a circle.

(to be continued)

No offence intended...

In case any of my random blog postings offends anyone, please note that this is merely a satirical take on my views of the things that happens around me, things that I am familiar with.

It may surprise you that amongst all these negativity and ranting about what is wrong with the world and the people that inhabits it, I actually have quite a sunny disposition, and I do enjoy the times when I get to just have interesting funny conversations, share jokes, and play fun games.

So, if any of my family members, close friends, colleagues or bosses happen to chance upon something I have written and took offence to my opinions, please understand that most of them are written in jest and the irony within the context is highly exaggerated.

I do appreciate feedback and comments and the occasional jostling of ideas and opinions, so feel free to reply and respond, without fear and restriction. God knows how little people would actually read what I write.